Wednesday, December 29, 2010

My first Christmas without you...Your first Christmas in Heaven.

Christmas was a little different this year, that's for sure. There was no Bella in the house, and it was wrong. My heart ached at how wrong it was. But I spent Christmas how Bella would have wanted me to; with my family, enjoying their company, and thanking God that I still have them.

I was awaken by my mother, which is no new surprise, this is what happens every year, and I got up to let the dogs out. They all went out to do their morning business and were brought back inside to be given a Christmas treat. I'm currently dog sitting a German Shepherd named Cappie who's crate stays in my room, beside Bella's. So I went up with Cappie after giving all the other dogs their treats and saw Bella's empty crate. Her food dish still where she left it, the hair still dusting the tray, all with a layer of dust over it. It makes me crazy to see her crate so empty, but I'm not ready for anyone else to have her things. I don't know if I'll ever be. I felt a pang of sadness in my heart, in that big gaping hole where Bella's antics and amazing personality used to thrive, now just memories and thoughts of my Boo and where she is now, at looking at her crate so obviously lacking of her again. But I had my family, and so I went on to do our morning Christmas routine - gathering all together and opening presents.

I wasn't expecting much for Christmas this year, nothing at all, to be honest. But I was pleasently pleased by what my family was able to bring together to celebrate. Once the presents were all opened, my sister said there was one more, and went scurrying to her bed room. She came back with a long flat rectangle and handed it to me. I ripped the paper off, and before I even saw it all there were tears in my eyes. She looked at me and said, "Christmas wouldn't have been the same without a little Bella in it."
In one of the spots on the frame, the words, "Some animals come into our lives to teach us lessons that most humans do not have the capacity to teach.
And, completing that, leave us to learn lessons that they can't teach us from others - having changed our lives forever."
were written, speaking of my Bella.

This gift, so simple to some, holds so much weight in my heart, and I'm very thankful for not only this gift, but for my sister who gave it, and my family who not only let me get Bella in the first place, put up with her problems while she was here, but has also supported me in my grieving of my best friend.

I hope everyone took the time this holiday season to remember loved ones, and not only be sad for losing them, but be happy because you knew them at all.

And for those of us who spent our first Christmas without a loved one here this year, please, take the time to read this beautiful poem.

My First Christmas In Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with the angels this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with the angels this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
Please love and keep each other, as our Maker said to do.
For I can't count the blessings he has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with the angels this year.

No comments:

Post a Comment