Friday, September 17, 2010

To the best dog who has ever been mine.

READ: I guess I was proved wrong from my earlier post. Things in this household went downhill. Real downhill.

February 11th, 2007 - September 17th, 2010

Today I made the very tough decision to say good-bye to my heart dog until we meet again, and to end a journey she and I had started together. Today ranks in one of the saddest, and hardest days of my life.
I didn't even know how to begin saying good-bye to a dog that has become my life, my love, my best friend, my everything, but I had to. On Tuesday night Bella attacked Zoey, leaving Zoey torn and lame. That was strike three for Bella, and we realized what we thought we had solved by rehoming Gyp hadn't and it was still a problem, and one we didn't know how to fix. After talking to vets we decided it was a mental thing with Bella, and always has been.

I spent the last two days crying, cuddling, and sleeping. I was sick thinking I'd be saying good-bye. This morning I woke up, cuddled her, took her for her last van ride, and then let her go out in the field with Morrie and Psyche to have one last romp. As we were cooling off in her little kiddie pool the vet drove down the drive way (we had him come and do it here on the farm to be easier for her and I) and I prepared to say good-bye. I wasn't ready for him to be there yet, but looking at it now, I don't think I would have ever been ready for it.

As he got out of the car Bella gave me one last reason to brag about what a great dog she was. She greeted him with such grace and happiness that you'd never guess she had issues with people when I first brought her home.

She passed easily enough, with her face buried in my neck, while I cried repeating "you're a good girl, Bella. A good girl."; I just didn't want her to go without her knowing that. I watched as her beautiful soul left the vessel she had loved me in, and I cried. For lost chances, for failure, for Bella and I losing the chance to grow our love even stronger.

My sister snapped this shot today while we were playing, and for that I'm grateful.

I'm holding on, and I'll stay strong, because I know that's what Bella would want, but I don't feel right. My body is missing something, and I know that a part of my being left Bella's body with her soul today.

So cry a tear for us, as we part our ways until we meet again.

We'll meet again, Bella, and when we do, I'll love you just as much or more. Time will never erase the memories you've given me, or the lessons you've taught me. Rest easy, Baby Girl, I miss you like crazy.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Woah, I still suck at blogging!

Well, yeah. I'm not going to lie and say I'm good at this, 'cause obviously I'm not.

Anyway, here's the general update. Bella and I quit agility classes, because she got loose one night after the classes were done and she went after another dog. I hesitated there, not knowing what to call what happened. She got her crate open (even though I was certain I had my "back up lock" on it) and she went after a Pyre that happened to be out and training at the time, as soon as she got there, she grabbed for him, and got only a mouth full of hair (even more reason for me to love the breed) - and just then I said "Bella, here!" and she dropped the entire event like it had never happened, came over to me, and calmly walked back to her crate without even thinking about going back towards the dog. It was a strange event, and not as serious as some things I've seen her do with our dogs, but still enough for me to say no to anymore classes with her.

So she and I have been mostly doing nothing. We cuddle, and chill, and just enjoy the lazy life. But still, I feel bad not doing anything with her, and I miss working with her, because she's honestly a love to train, when she's not reacting.

The other day, yesterday, to be exact, I was going to the agility field with Zoey and Psyche for some work, and I said "what the heck, let's bring Bella too." and so Bella came along. We worked on some agility stuff, and she did great. It was only me and my mom there, so only dogs she knew, and she handled it all really well. We worked on some jump stuff, the tire, the chute, tunnels, and her contacts - working on getting a 2o2o. She loved working with me yesterday, and I loved working her.

I think here begins the road of "at home, at the field, at the barn for FUN only training". I don't ever want to trial her - ever. However, I'm thinking I'd like to be able to take her out, set up a course, and run it. And since I'm doing that with the other two for training anyway, why the heck not?

So that's how she goes right now. Bella's doing incredibly well now that Gyp's in a new, happy home (Gypie's a JOGGER NOW! Can you imagine? Fat, tubby, doesn't even like to go for walks with us, Gypie is a JOGGER! So happy for the girl!) and all the dogs are happy to live together in peace.

I love these peaceful days, and I'll cherish them forever, because I never know weather or not the last time we had a huge inner family issue was the last. I live a day to day life with Bella.

School has started, so no promises I'll keep this blog updated.. but here's a picture to make up for that, or at least try.