READ: I guess I was proved wrong from my earlier post. Things in this household went downhill. Real downhill.
February 11th, 2007 - September 17th, 2010
Today I made the very tough decision to say good-bye to my heart dog until we meet again, and to end a journey she and I had started together. Today ranks in one of the saddest, and hardest days of my life.
I didn't even know how to begin saying good-bye to a dog that has become my life, my love, my best friend, my everything, but I had to. On Tuesday night Bella attacked Zoey, leaving Zoey torn and lame. That was strike three for Bella, and we realized what we thought we had solved by rehoming Gyp hadn't and it was still a problem, and one we didn't know how to fix. After talking to vets we decided it was a mental thing with Bella, and always has been.
I spent the last two days crying, cuddling, and sleeping. I was sick thinking I'd be saying good-bye. This morning I woke up, cuddled her, took her for her last van ride, and then let her go out in the field with Morrie and Psyche to have one last romp. As we were cooling off in her little kiddie pool the vet drove down the drive way (we had him come and do it here on the farm to be easier for her and I) and I prepared to say good-bye. I wasn't ready for him to be there yet, but looking at it now, I don't think I would have ever been ready for it.
As he got out of the car Bella gave me one last reason to brag about what a great dog she was. She greeted him with such grace and happiness that you'd never guess she had issues with people when I first brought her home.
She passed easily enough, with her face buried in my neck, while I cried repeating "you're a good girl, Bella. A good girl."; I just didn't want her to go without her knowing that. I watched as her beautiful soul left the vessel she had loved me in, and I cried. For lost chances, for failure, for Bella and I losing the chance to grow our love even stronger.
My sister snapped this shot today while we were playing, and for that I'm grateful.
I'm holding on, and I'll stay strong, because I know that's what Bella would want, but I don't feel right. My body is missing something, and I know that a part of my being left Bella's body with her soul today.
So cry a tear for us, as we part our ways until we meet again.
We'll meet again, Bella, and when we do, I'll love you just as much or more. Time will never erase the memories you've given me, or the lessons you've taught me. Rest easy, Baby Girl, I miss you like crazy.