It's okay to get it wrong.

I'm on another crazy streak. Paired with the threshold work I've been doing with Psyche, I'd like to start teaching her that it's okay to "fail".

Of course she never gets a "OH NO, bad bad dog. You did it wrong! Bad!" and she sure as heck never gets a "haha, loser, you did it wrong", but Psyche is a really soft dog and she really lacks confidence. So I got to reading and researching today and started thinking, well maybe if I teach her that failing is okay then she'll get a little more confident, and maybe that will help with her agility issues, and if not, well heck, it'll teach her lots of tricks.

So we're starting a Shaping Challenge. I haven't yet decided the rules of that shaping challenge for myself and Psyche, but we're going to start with doing some perch work... or at least try to.

I'll keep y'all updated on how it goes. This dog loves shaping, but I only ever do it when I want her to learn how to DO something... now I want her to learn how to accept when she didn't do it.

The after thoughts: So I started to work on some perch work with her and because I've done other work with a similar prop (we've worked on putting her face and paws on a "podium" and adding her "sad" trick on top of that) she was really struggling and I was too, so I decided to try something completely new. And I'll be honest, I had no idea what it was going to be when I decided to start working on it.

The "perch work" we tried was really good for her. Because I was asking for something new, and because she already had an idea of what she wanted to offer there were lots of times she'd try everything we'd already done on this similar prop and then just sit there and think "well, now what...?" and I just waited her out. It used to be that I would "start over" from there. If she came to a stand still I'd help her along a little bit. Today I just waited until she decided to try something new. I realized that before if she was 'failing' I was right away saying "oh, that's okay, let's try again!" Now I always knew my shaping had a little luring mixed in *tisk tisk* but I didn't realize how much until tonight. Wow. So I waited her out tonight. I just waited. And it was good for me, if nothing else.

I then moved her onto a new trick all together. She likes using her paws, so I decided we'd do a new "paw based" trick, I just didn't know what... so I waited until she offered something new that I liked and went from there then decided what I wanted. What I want: For her to raise both front feet off the ground and paw/beg at the air. So tonight to try and get to that I clicked pawing the air, then rewarded her high. By the end of it she was starting to get a little bounce in it so those were jackpots and we ended on that. I videoed it all and learned a few things already. One being that I need to keep my sessions shorter--holy clips! And I also witnessed again those moments where she shut down and stressed a bit (panting, looking around, sniffing the air) and then the moments where she "came back" and was back in the game...

Anything's worth a shot, right?

I guess it's about time for an introduction.

Today is her 13th day here, so I'd say it's pretty official. Time to introduce the little demon; Simi.


Simi is a 9 week old German Shepherd Dog puppy. She's from a local breeder who breeds really nice working line dogs and does very well with her dogs in competitions of all levels.

I'd been planning a GSD pup from this breeder since before I lost Bella. I wasn't sure when I'd be getting the pup, but when I lost Bella the idea of a puppy kind of was dropped, anyway. Then on my 18th birthday, mom told me I'd be getting a puppy out of my dream bitch and that we were going to see the litter that day. So we went and met them, and I fell for a little puppy... and then life got in the way and that girl didn't end up coming to live with me. Things don't always work out like you'd planned, but everything happens for a reason.

After that Crash came home, and that alone was pushing back my puppy plans a lot.

But then, somehow, by some stroke of luck, when a litter by my favorite male was born, I was lucky enough to get a girl from that litter. They were a big litter; 10 in total, 6 females. When we went in to see them the breeder left only the females in the pen and put the boys in crates. From there we went in, Mom and I sat down at the same time and this one little puppy came to be while the others went to Mom. I was so overwhelmed by all the sable pups I couldn't tell one from the other, so the breeder started to go through the personalities of each. From there I actually liked the breeder's pick to keep the best, so she took her and a few others who wouldn't suit my needs out and left me with 3. Simi was among those three.

From there she went into more detail about each of the pups and compared Simi in look to her momma "but a little more ugly." And yet somehow, someway, and or some reason, that "ugly" little puppy was the one I was drawn to the most... after deciding on her, the breeder pointed out she was the first girl who came to see me.

She is quite something! A little spit fire with no fear at all, and very vocal. For a week or so she went without a name (she's supposed to have an L name, but we're going to try and just have her L name be her registered name), and then for some reason, the little demon out of a series of novels I'd been reading for years named Simi popped into my mind, and it hit me that that was the PERFECT name for her. I haven't doubted it since.

So a long story short, I got a GSD puppy. She's adorable.

Crossing Thresholds - Comparison

I've been working on Psyche's trial issues, and yesterday that involved taking her to the field with 3 other people, setting up a course and doing the course like it's a trial. We tug up to the entrance to the field, drop the toy, heel position in, sit stay, release, course, finish, jump into my arms then run out to her tug.

This is yesterday's example:

Now, most people would look at this and think wow, she's so stressed, but I feel the need to point out the good things, and in doing so I had a "holy crap, my dog really has come a long way" moment. In a trial, I wouldn't expect Psyche to a) hold her dog walk contact b) get on the table and lay down; she'd get up but wouldn't lay down c) do 6 weaves, let alone 12 d) hold her a-frame contact or e) come to me at the end, let alone look at me, anticipating the "get up" command.

Please note that she did all of those things in that video.

Food for thought, here. Here's a video from a trial around this time last year:

And that was a jumpers run, at a trial she got her first Q at.

So something has to be going right. My dog is still stressing, yes, but she's improving in leaps and bounds. I guess my thing now is that it's hard to realize that she's making such improvement when I don't look back, and of course, I don't remember those "bad" runs from before.

We're working on it, but honestly, this is a general path for me to head in with her. We'll keep working on it, and at least now I can stimulate the stress so I can work on it. I feel like crap for purposely stressing my dog out, but at the same time, I've been doing it at trials for more than a year now.

Crossing Thresholds Day 2

Same little course, same training field, new criteria.

Today we went up and I had treats with me, and before we ran at all, she didn't have the chance to go into the ring and romp around with her toy, which she likes to do (usually she snatches it from me on the walk up and then runs up and waits for me with a "hah, I beat you!" look). We started it just like it was a trial. The first time in, she was stressed again and I could tell. I really should try and video the next session. She kept breaking her start lines, so we worked a lot on that. I decided I wanted: a 'heel' up to the spot where I put her in a sit stay (and for Psyche that's not a very formal heel, just beside me, offering eye contact, her bum usually swings out more then it should for obedience); a sit at the start line, no stands; a held start line stay to the second jump out, AT LEAST; and at the end, I wanted her to come to me when I said, "Psyche!" and then jump into my arms when I gave the cue, from there I'd set here down and release her to her toys.

After she warmed up to the idea that we were doing that whole thing that stressed her out again she gained a lot more confidence. And from there her biggest issue was the start line stay. They aren't fun to her, and so that's something I need to work on. She gets all serious-dog while waiting, and although all I really need is for her to stay, I don't want her thinking that she has to be all serious and gruff at the start line and having that mind set for the rest of the run. So we're going to start doing some start line stay stuff outside of the ring. Any suggestions?

We spent a lot of work on that, and at one point even just start line stayed to the third jump, then I went back, rewarded and released her to her toy and ran out after her. She seemed to like that, so maybe we'll have to throw some more of those in.

Then I threw a curve ball at her. When we went into the ring, I sat her and stood with her for a few minutes, like we often have to do while waiting for the scribe to be done, the jumps to be set, or the chute to be fixed. That has been a problem for Psyche and I for a long time. It's like she works up the courage to go in, and then while she's waiting decides it's too hard. So we worked some on that, and the first time I did that, she was back to stressed. When I start lined stayed her she broke it to go sniff. So we worked on that some more. And she started to get a lot more comfortable about it.

Now, I'm starting to feel a little crappy about purposely stressing my dog out, but I do it at trials too, without even meaning to, and I can't reward her how she needs to be rewarded there, so this is better, right?

So the plan is to do this one more day at home, and then I think we'll head to the club's training field. I'm eager to see if it's got the same effect there as it does here.

And just for reading all of that...

Crossing Thresholds.

Threshold, by definition means, "any place or point of entering or beginning". So that could mean a gate way into a new training ring, two posts that mark the entrance to a trial field, a break in the snow fence, or even between two pylons, right?

After our last few trials, I'd been thinking that something about going into the ring was the hardest part for Psyche. She was happy and calm around the trial ring, would tug up to the trial ring, give me her all on the practice jumps outside the trial ring... and then we get into the ring, and something happens. All along people have told me that maybe it's something I'm doing that's freaking her out (and maybe it is) but even when I felt calm, cool and collected, Psyche was still very stressed. Even at a fun match, when I knew it was completely for fun only, she still stressed. Even when I had her toy. She only ever was comfortable at fun matches at our own training field through the club... which has a wooden gate, but it's a gate that she's been going through since she started agility, and that gate means we're going in where she'll get lots of time to play with her toy or a class full of yummy treats.

*insert lightbulb moment here*

Now, of couse, none of this actually came to me until after today's training session. I was looking through CR sequences and course maps, looking for something good to get a good training session out of. I didn't want to just dink around today with all my equipment where it's been the last two months. Sadly, because of my lack of tunnels and real weaves, I couldn't find anything, so I decided I'd work on making our training session as trial like as possible.

We went up to the field and I moved things around into a very simple 'course':
Now, it's not hard, but remember, that's not what I was going for. However, I looked at this little sequence, in my back yard, with my horses watching me, like it was Nationals and Psyche and I were up against crazy well known agility people. We started at the gate, where I tugged with her, then got her revved up, dropped her toy and gave a "let's go" command. We walked in and the first time you could see the stress in her body. Even though this was our backyard, she was stressed about it. So we walked up to the start line, did a horrible 'start line stay' and released and did the whole 'course' with many mistakes. But at the end there was a huge celebration and she got to run out of the ring and get her toy and we had a long play session.

Second time we do the same thing and I get a lot more confidence walking into the ring, but still not crazy comfortable. I manage to get a nice stand stay from her and she sails through the course with a couple issues with her weaves (now, this is an easy weave entry. And she knows it. But at a trial, even the most simple weave entry she'll miss if she's stressing, so I was expecting some messed up weaves.). But again, at the end, huge party, run out and get her tug, lots of play.

Third time, she pranced into the ring like she owned the place, start line stayed, and blew my mind. She was still a little iffy, you could tell, but getting more confident.

Now, there were some mistakes I made. I should have had treats on me, in my pocket, to reward a start line stay (and eagerly offering me a sit, because once she gets stressed she doesn't want to sit or down) and so that at the end I could call her back to me, reward, and then BOTH of us walk out and get her tug. This is something we'll work on next time for sure.

This little thing about thresholds is something I'm going to work on for a while. I think it'll help her a lot. But I'm going to do the treat thing, because I feel like the treats are a good way for me to get her understanding exactly what I want. Now it's a matter of maintaining my criteria. Maybe I need one of those "Note to self: Maintain Criteria" pendants from Mad Dog Metalworks?!

Over all, a really amazing session. Even though I could feel her stressing, it felt good to be working on it and actually see some of her trial issues at home, in training. I've always felt at a loss because those issues didn't show up in the places that I could actually work on fixing them, so now, if I can recreate the situation and work on teaching her how to handle it... this might lead to something.

It's a never ending journey, that's for sure.

I am thankful.

Yesterday was Canadian Thanksgiving, and it was also the Labracollie twin's 3rd birthday... so insert long, sappy blog entry here.

Come on, you knew it was coming.

Crasher Trasher has been with me since April now. He came to me on easter day as a 'foster' dog, and of course, that didn't go as I'd planned for. I'd have been better off naming him Temporary. In the short time he's been with me, Crash has quickly grown from a crazy, spinning stressy mess to a real dog. On his three year birthday, he attended his first obedience class, and he rocked it, for lack of better words. I went into the class expecting Crash to bark, spin, chase flies and over all just not pay attention at all. I had low expectations, warned the instructor that he'd be a challenge, and warned the rest of my class that he's a loud boy who loves to hear himself bark. We went into class 30 minutes early. I wanted to be there before everyone else so that we could slowly adjust to more and more dogs. He barked once. Before class, and it was a "hey, Shay, play with me!" bark. We were being foolish and he looked at me and barked. No big deal, a quick, "shh" and he was done, standing watching me and wagging his tail. 6 dogs came in after that, most dogs with 2 handlers, plus the instructor and her helper, as well as the instructors dogs who were in runs into the room. He only flicked an ear when the last dog came in. I was so proud. And by the end of class he was just laying down at my feet, relaxing, while everyone else was working, because Crash was steps ahead of where I thought he'd be and had a good knowledge of everything we tried. He even had an obnoxious lab come into his face at one point and still, he only backed up because I was stepping into him, trying to keep him from the lab because I didn't trust that dog. I trusted him, but I didn't want my boy set back because of an out of control dog.

I'll be the first to admit I didn't think I was ready for Crash when I brought him home. In my mind he would be a foster dog because I just couldn't fathom another dog after losing Bella. I think I thought I would only have a GSD after because half of me though a GSD would relink me to Bella. I knew that was wrong the day I looked down at Crash and swore Bella was staring back at me. I knew then he was here to stay.

Now Psyche has been with me for much longer. Going on 3 years in March. (Does that math sound right?) And she has been a special part of my life since then. When I lost Bella she was the only thing that kept me going. I'd entered her in a trial the day after Bella's death and mom forced me to take her, even though I really didn't want to. I'm glad I did.

I think that first day of the trial was the day I realized that if I stick by her, she'll stick by me. Psyche is truly an amazing dog. Sometimes I think she understands every word I say to her, and somedays I think she knows me better then I know myself. She's loyal and devoted and the human race could learn a thing or two from her.

When I look back on the day I brought her home, in March 2009, I look back and see a timid, scared little puppy. Exactly what I wouldn't want if I were looking for a puppy now. And yet, somehow, Psyche, who's not exactly the dog I thought I wanted, is exactly the dog I needed. I guess that's what's most important, right? Things worked out so that Psyche and I found each other. Even though I'd been looking at litters of pups, dogs in the shelters, breeders hours away... everywhere but where I found her, somehow, someway I still found her... or she found me. I'm not really quite sure how that worked. But it worked. And thank god for that. Although a lot of people would call me crazy (yeah, I know right now all of you are nodding going, "yeah, she is pretty crazy."), Psyche keeps me as sane as I am. Being around her makes me feel better. I look forward to time with her like I do with my human family and friends. She's a very special dog.

My twins sure are something special. From Crash's insane eye contact to Psyche's neurotic teeth chattering, they're each a little different, and a little the same. Even if a year down the road I find out they're of no relation at all, these two are siblings. They love each other the way all families should. When I think of Crash and Psyche I think of play sessions where one gets a little too obnoxious but backs off when the other says stop, I think of them chasing the chuck it, one throwing him/herself into the air, missing, and the other doing the same, and missing again, I think of them swimming in the pond, Psyche waiting for Crash to drop whatever he has in his mouth before he does his swamp monster impersonation.

To end it all on a really simple note, I'm thankful for Psyche and Crash, now while celebrating their 3rd birthday, and everyday for everything they do for me, without even knowing they do it at all.

Happy birthday, Labracollies!

Harder than I thought it would be.

Last night I returned to the trainer and training facility I spent so much time in with Bella. I'm starting Crash in an obedience course and went last night for the intro without the dogs there.

Walking up the drive way was strange. It's been probably two years at least since I was there, but I didn't think too much about the tightening in my chest walking up. Then I went inside and without even realizing my eyes were drawn to our spot. We had a spot in the room where Bella and I stayed, because there we could say far enough away from the other dogs to sometimes get a bit of work done. Then I looked around and realized the trainers dogs were out, and there was Maxi, a saluki Bella once hit with her teeth who screamed and screamed afterwards, and I was gone. Back into the basement of my trainer's house where we'd been working with Bella, me sitting away from her, trying to get her to be calm around Maxi. I wasn't there at the facility getting ready to start training Crash, I was back 3 years, to when I had Bella at her house for a summer of day long privates three times a week.

Brought back to the present I listened and absorbed as much as I could about the training program, even though I knew all of it already, but my eyes kept going to her spot. When I pictured myself in this room, I pictured myself with Bella at my side. I remembered the spot we were in the first day she went to class, when her issues first really showed their face. I remembered getting her fitted for her gentle leader... going over to a easy walk... working private sessions with my trainer and her dogs... and the day we worked on greeting new strangers and I walked away from her, and Bella was tied to the wall, crying, literally crying, and throwing herself at the wall, devastated I'd left her.

It was way harder then I thought it would be. Hard for me to smile when the trainer introduced me to the owner of a GSD puppy as the "girl with Shepherd experience -- she owned the GSD from hell." Hard to smile when her assistant looked at me and said, "I remember hearing about you, but never got the chance to meet Bella."

It was just hard.

But I'm excited to go back--to face those memories, embrace them, and make new ones with Crash. I know that he'll help me through each night there, and that when memories resurface he'll help me cope, and help me build new memories that will go side by side to my memories of Bella.

I think I'm probably a little scared too. Scared that Crash will have the same issues Bella did, even though he's shown NO signs at all. Scared that somehow, someway, I'll be that same girl, coming in with the 'bad dog' and leaving with bruises on my ribs, tears on my face.

But here's hoping Bella's there in spirit, giving Crash a quick tuning when he's getting just a bit out of hand, and keeping us straight on the path we're supposed to be on.

And as a side note, my trainer lost her 15 year old Golden Retriever last week, and I hope he and Bella have found each other, where ever they are, and maybe on Monday nights they'll somehow know their owners are working together again, after several years they weren't.