Well, that's good...

I still stink at blogging, so good thing nothing's changed, I guess.

Anyway, so I've updated the blog again, with yet another hope of keeping the blog updated. For now, here's what's new.

I'm graduating High School on Thursday.

Tomorrow night is my prom, where I plan on taking Psyche as my date, wearing a cute bow tie to match my dress. Thursday's the graduation ceremony, and I get to do the salutatory speech, which I'm really stoked about. And then it's freedom, I guess. I'm really kind of nervous about being out in the "real world".

Psyche and Zoey are as quirky as ever, and enjoying life with a new brother. On April 23rd I met Psyche's full brother after being contacted by his momma, who couldn't keep him anymore. He met Psyche and they hit it off okay, and then on the 24th I brought him home as a "foster"... yeah, right. It was worth a try, at least.

He's here to stay now and even though Crash was a handful at first, I love the boy. And like my mom said, "we need at least one Problem Child." Since losing Bella he's been the biggest "challenge" I've been faced with, and honestly, it's been nice, in a crazy way.

Good news!

I just got a new Camera this past weekend, which of course means more pictures. Which, of course, everyone loves when the pictures are of dogs as beautiful as mine.

This is probably by far my favorite picture I've taken with it yet,
Impressive, huh?

Anyway, that's all.

Monday was 4 months...

since losing Bella, and I promise I'm not turning this into a sad, make you cry, post. However, if you want to know how I grieved Bella on the 4 month marker, go look at her page.

No, this is more about Psyche.

And about how when I lost Bella, I said "I'm not sure if I want to do the dog thing anymore if I don't have Bella."

Thinking back on that, I can't even imagine how I could have ever thought that. How would I have ever given up the amazing dogs I still have because I lost one? I miss her, I really do, but so do they, and they're not giving up. So neither did I, and I have no intention on it.

Just a random little post, I guess... be sure to check out Bella's page, and my recently updated Project 365 page.

It's BAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRNNNN day!

Another morning spent at the agility barn. Psyche was 100% amazing, besides literally running into the jump standard twice. I had thrown her toy and she went into it. Same jump, too. *shakes head* No one ever said she was smart, just easy to train and speedy!

She was so great today! I was very impressed with her. She's turning out to be an amazing dog. An agility friend of ours even ran her today, and she went with her, no issues. Little Dog's gonna be a Jr. Handler dog someday!

Zoey was pretty impressive today, too. We worked some on "go see!" where I let her go visit with people, but when I say her name, she comes back.

Anyway, after we got home from agility today, I let Psyche play with her new favorite thing... the HUGE tennis ball I bought for her!

So that's more or less the story. I've been pretty tired lately, so pretty depressed and thinking and crying about Bella a lot, so I held off on blogging until I had something extra happy to talk about.

Back to school!

Today was my first day back to school, which was pretty crappy in itself. Not to mention I woke up with ear issues (Do you know how scary it is to wake up at 17 and not be able to hear?) so it was starting out a bad day.

I'd been off of school since December 23rd, so I'd gotten used to staying home with the dogs all day, and the dogs got used to it too. So I crated them up and left for school and did my thing. Came home at 4:30 and went to the dogs, camera in hand, tennis ball in the other. The dogs had a total blast just ramming around and playing ball, and I think it'll be come a routine for us. Nice for me to wind down just throwing a tennis ball, waiting, and having it tossed back to me.

I snapped some pictures (working on my theme for this weeks 52 Weeks of Chazhound Dogs, so they're mostly black and white), and I hope you enjoy!

Something's gotta give.

Okay, it's time to step back and take a fresh new look at things. The blog has gone to a spot where I didn't ever want it to go. It's become that blog, you know, the one that's so sad no one really wants to read it? Yeah. That.

Bella would have never wanted this to be how I spent my free time - blogging only about my sadness at her loss, depriving the public eye (or would it be considered ear, since you're "listening" to my stories?) of how awesome my other dogs are, or how happy I am with life because of them. They are what they are because of how I raised them, and I raised them how I did, because of how Bella changed me.

I'm not forgetting her, or pushing her aside. I'm simply rejoicing in what Bella left me with - two amazing dogs, including Psyche, who she whipped into shape to be the emotional crutch I needed after her loss, and to become the best friend I didn't know I needed.

So enough is enough. No more overwhelming sadness. Sure, there will be sad posts, after all, I'm mourning the loss of a best friend, but I want this to be a place of joy - joy for the life I have now, the friends I have, the dogs I love, the family I rely on, the person I am today because of Bella, and the joy at ever having known Bella at all, because I can promise you, there are others in the world who have never known a dog like Bella, and there are people in the world who had the chance to know a dog like Bella, and love her, and have with her what I was given, and they passed her by.

A place of joy. A place to remember the one who made us, and look out onto the horizon of our futures, together as a team.

My first Christmas without you...Your first Christmas in Heaven.

Christmas was a little different this year, that's for sure. There was no Bella in the house, and it was wrong. My heart ached at how wrong it was. But I spent Christmas how Bella would have wanted me to; with my family, enjoying their company, and thanking God that I still have them.

I was awaken by my mother, which is no new surprise, this is what happens every year, and I got up to let the dogs out. They all went out to do their morning business and were brought back inside to be given a Christmas treat. I'm currently dog sitting a German Shepherd named Cappie who's crate stays in my room, beside Bella's. So I went up with Cappie after giving all the other dogs their treats and saw Bella's empty crate. Her food dish still where she left it, the hair still dusting the tray, all with a layer of dust over it. It makes me crazy to see her crate so empty, but I'm not ready for anyone else to have her things. I don't know if I'll ever be. I felt a pang of sadness in my heart, in that big gaping hole where Bella's antics and amazing personality used to thrive, now just memories and thoughts of my Boo and where she is now, at looking at her crate so obviously lacking of her again. But I had my family, and so I went on to do our morning Christmas routine - gathering all together and opening presents.

I wasn't expecting much for Christmas this year, nothing at all, to be honest. But I was pleasently pleased by what my family was able to bring together to celebrate. Once the presents were all opened, my sister said there was one more, and went scurrying to her bed room. She came back with a long flat rectangle and handed it to me. I ripped the paper off, and before I even saw it all there were tears in my eyes. She looked at me and said, "Christmas wouldn't have been the same without a little Bella in it."
In one of the spots on the frame, the words, "Some animals come into our lives to teach us lessons that most humans do not have the capacity to teach.
And, completing that, leave us to learn lessons that they can't teach us from others - having changed our lives forever." were written, speaking of my Bella.

This gift, so simple to some, holds so much weight in my heart, and I'm very thankful for not only this gift, but for my sister who gave it, and my family who not only let me get Bella in the first place, put up with her problems while she was here, but has also supported me in my grieving of my best friend.

I hope everyone took the time this holiday season to remember loved ones, and not only be sad for losing them, but be happy because you knew them at all.

And for those of us who spent our first Christmas without a loved one here this year, please, take the time to read this beautiful poem.

My First Christmas In Heaven

I see the countless Christmas trees around the world below
With tiny lights, like Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear
For I am spending Christmas with the angels this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs that people hold so dear
But the sounds of music can't compare with the Choir up here.

I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
For it is beyond description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart
But I am not so far away, We really aren't apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear.
And be glad I'm spending Christmas with the angels this year.

I sent you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I sent you each a memory of my undying love.
After all, love is a gift more precious than pure gold.
Please love and keep each other, as our Maker said to do.
For I can't count the blessings he has for each of you.

So have a Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear
Remember, I am spending Christmas with the angels this year.